22 Mar 2020
Bachelor Party Explained
What is the point of a bachelor party?
The Psychology of the Bachelor Party
My bachelor party is coming up, and while my fiancé and I have the type of relationship where we talk openly about these things and set expectations (links other than this type are not recommended for marriage, by the way), I fear Brides readers might become worried by the many articles describing bachelor parties as booze-addled stripper fests. So here’s the truth.
His Friends Are There for Themselves, Not Your Fiancé
He’s a nice guy, sure, but we just want to party. Saying “goodbye” to the groom on his “last night of freedom” is our excuse to gather for some quality male bonding in the form of drinking and replicating the socially irresponsible behaviours that forged our friendships back in high school or college. We mock the groom, taunt him for all he’s about to give up, and call it a roast to justify it — just like the good old days!
“Booze-Addled” Is a Reasonable Description
Yes, we drink precisely as much as you think. A bachelor party is just a bender masquerading as a legitimate celebration, where any minor event is cause for drinking.
“Sex Fest” Is Not So Much
Sex is a significant component always associated with bachelor parties, but it’s typically the idea of sex than actual sex. The guys who are already married or in relationships watch and live vicariously as the single guys try to pick up girls. The only guys try to goad the attached guys into doing something they shouldn’t — and this is where we remind you to tell your guy what makes you uncomfortable before turning him loose in the wild. But it’s more drinking than anything else, in case you were worried.
“Horrifying Mess” Might be Most Accurate
In college, it was easy to eat trash and slam cheap beers for 48 hours straight. That was called “the weekend.” Now? That spicy chicken sandwich isn’t nearly as good going down as we remember, and it’s sure to be even worse coming back up. This doesn’t stop us from going for the gusto all the same, and the results are foul. Nobody showers, the floors are covered with empty beer cans and hot dog bits, and the entire place smells like stale cigarettes, gym socks, and shame.
There’s Always “That Guy”
Even though we’re all drunk, one idiot will inevitably take it too far and force everyone to treat him like a baby and make sure he doesn’t get arrested. Eventually, we all start to hope he actually does get arrested. Also, the girls should probably be able to guess who that guy is. Don’t let your guy be that guy.
Someone Will Get Hurt
This will perhaps happen during a drunken belly flop contest, arm wrestling match, or go-kart crash. Most likely, after a fight breaks out for no immediately apparent reason.
Bros Will Be Bros
There will be many almost-too-long-for-comfort bro hugs and “I LOVE YOU MAN” s, possibly following the fight as mentioned above but most likely, again, for no immediately apparent reason.
So as you can see, you have very little to worry about. As long as your guy returns from the bachelor party hungover, stinking, and bereft of all dignity, you can be sure he had the time of his life.
Even if they don’t seem super involved in the wedding-planning process, grooms are going through the same life-changing experience as their brides-to-be. Enter: The Plunge. The site helps the engaged guy navigate his wedding from a man’s point of view.
A bachelor party is an initiation into marriage, which, in modern times, is mostly understood as a celebration, by the groom’s male friends, of the groom’s last days of ‘freedom.’ In the U.K., it tends to be called a stag (stag night, stag do, stag party…), and in Australia, a buck. The equivalent rite for the bride, attended by the bride’s female friends, is the bachelorette or hen party.
The original meaning of ‘bachelor’ in English is ‘a young knight who follows the banner of another.’ ‘Stag’ and ‘hen’ used to be slang for ‘man’ and ‘woman.’ The stag, standing proud and alone, has long been a symbol of virility, with stags, and men with antlers, being a common motif in cave paintings. Cernunnos, the Celtic god of life and fertility, and a symbol of the masculine, featured the body of a warrior and the horns of a stag. The stag’s antlers, which point to the gods above, serve to attract mates and fend off rivals: mirroring the cycle of life and death, they grow and fall back each year, transmutation from soft, pulsing velvet into a hard horn.
Olds like to say that youth is wasted on the young. Just as bachelor parties, you might have noticed, are lost on the no-longer bachelor. And because this isn’t Mad Men, and your friend technically should’ve stopped acting single a week after meeting his partner-to-be, he shouldn’t be treating the event as “one last weekend of freedom” or some gray-area-flirtatious horseshit like that. That’s a good thing! But it leads to an idea I’ve been considering for a while: Why not shift the bachelor party off of the coupled-up and onto the single—that is, the actual bachelors? They’re the ones whose freedom to roam in a bar and make out with someone cute should be egged on and cheered, right? Let me tell a quick story that illustrates at least part of the point I’m making about the version of this whole thing that I, 31 and almost married myself, encounter exclusively now.
Bachelor parties have a reputation for being raunchy and raucous (which we can probably thank Hollywood for). But when it comes down to it, bachelor parties are really about a groom-to-be celebrating a momentous occasion with his closest friends and family, which is pretty sweet.
Don’t get me wrong: I very much enjoy going to restaurants and bars with friends. But it misses the point of what I think this selfishly once-in-your-life event used to pitch toward: that is, propping one friend up and endeavoring to chase the night on their behalf. If the bachelor in question is still single, it’s more fun for everyone, right? For the dude of honor. For the buddies who just need a weekend away from their Nest apps. For the generous bartenders and friendly single ladies at the honky-tonks in Nashville who just want to dance with someone who’s not going to be sweating through his guilty almost-married conscience all night. Single life is sometimes hard and sometimes smooth, but either way, one day it’s gone. That’s what’s worth marking, sealing off, and celebrating while it lasts.
If you wish to throw yourself and your bachelordom a party, make these three assurances to your friends: (1) This is instead of a traditional stag party later; (2) you will not make them pay for your steak; (3) they will have more fun than they will with a bunch of married dudes sitting around a cabin on a mountain.
But they won’t need assurances; they will jump at the opportunity to reclaim what this is—a kick-ass weekend with your closest friends like the sort you used to have more than once every marriage.
What are the rules of a bachelor party? Bachelor-party governments so you don’t wake up sunburnt and stuck on a roof
Just because your idea of the perfect bachelorette party means three nights at a yoga retreat, drinking kale juice, and getting #ModelFit, doesn’t mean your groom (and his bachelor party) should be denied one weekend of debauchery. Many grooms struggle with bachelor party ethics, so we asked Jeff Wilser, founding editor of The Plunge — a site where guys can go for the full rundown on all things involving grooms — to break down dos and don’ts for how to have an awesome bachelor party without the dramatic aftermath.
So whether you’re the type of bride who couldn’t care less what your groom does for his bachelor party, or you’re nervous, his crazy college roommates will peer pressure him into some shady situations, make him read these bachelor party rules and then sit back and let it happen.
A man’s journey to marriage will never be complete without having an awesome bachelor party before he ties the knot. This anticipated party of a lifetime is the last opportunity to enjoy being single and do ridiculously fun acts within the bounds of law. Usually joined by a pack of males who have made a remarkable mark in the groom’s life, a bachelor party organized is the best send-off party you can give to the groom.
Just like any activity, there are essential rules every guest must follow to ensure that everything goes well during a bachelor party. These rules may be logical and visible, while others are silent codes you need to be reminded of. Take a look at the bachelor-party regulations below, and remember each of them by heart.
Rules for the Perfect Bachelor Party
Just be awesome. And make sure you bring a guy who is good at rating how awesome a time the group is having. He needs to say things like, “This horseradish mayo on my steak is AWESOME,” or, “This OD’d stripper in our bathroom is NOT awesome,” or, “Remember when I tried to kiss you last night? That was not awesome, unless you were cool with it, Bro… then, AWESOME.” Make sure this guy has no control over the volume of his voice — if he isn’t loud enough, how will the other losers on family vacations know how awesome a time you’re having? How will you know how excellent a time you’re having? Get it? Awesome.
Trust the Best Man
A cardinal rule in bachelor parties is that the best man is the party planner. He is expected to send the invites, choose the venue, and plan everything for the party.
The party may be just one night or the whole weekend. It can be celebrated within the metropolis, on the beach, or somewhere far from home. The best man, however, should have close coordination with the groom as to his preferences, such as the persons to be invited or the activities to be done during the party. They may also talk initially about great groomsmen gift ideas before the groom gets caught up with more pressing wedding matters at this point.
Keep the Group Mobile
The makeup and size of the group are essential. It needs to be large enough to contain a varied list of characters (you know the funny fat guy, the guy who eats beer cans like a goat, etc.) but it also needs to be small enough that group decisions can be made quickly, in case you need to run from a drug dealer. It also should have the right mix of single and relationship guys. You and too many relationship guys are in for a bachelor party brought to you by the never-ending pasta bowl at Olive Garden. You and too many single guys at a bachelor party brought to you by rape.
No One Should Fall in Love
Every group has that one “buddy” that thinks he’s in love with any chick that looks at him half-cockeyed. This guy will ruin your weekend. While the rest of your buddies are talking about how excellent everything is, this guy is trying to have meaningful conversations and saying things like, “I apologize for my friends, they’re like animals,” as he orders a couple more flutes of Champagne. Friendship means nothing to him, and his soul is a barren wasteland. He tries to prove a kind of pickup-artist prowess because his d*ck looks like a piece of penne. Bring the movie quote guy instead.
Strippers After 2 a.m.
Strippers shouldn’t exist before 2 a.m., and if you’re looking at one at 9 p.m., then you’re wasting time that could be spent with girls that could end up in your bed without telling you a “sensual tickle will be an extra ten bucks.” Not to mention, is there anything more awkward than being completely sober with strippers? You end up hearing about her “real job” and spending the whole time talking to the retired (aka fired) cop she brought as protection.
No Shirtless Activities
A favour to the group’s “funny fat guy” who wore his “Save me, I’m Anorexic” T-shirt. I love that guy. But I think he might be sad.
The groom pays for nothing.
All costs should be split equally among those attending the party. So if you’re going away for the weekend, start saving your pennies. Best man: It’s your responsibility to collect the money, so start early.
Do not embarrass the groom and certainly do not put him in danger, unless you want to explain to the bride why her soon-to-be-husband is wearing a cast.
Do spread it out over a weekend.
Even on a shoestring budget, a full weekend will provide more memories — and laughs — than a single night of debauchery.
Do respect the bride’s policy on lap dances.
Some think it’s harmless fun; others call it borderline cheating. If she falls into the latter group, that’s her prerogative. (Stay focused on the big picture; this is not a significant sacrifice.)
Get Enough Rest before the Party
You don’t want to look lethargic or stressed out with the rest of the guys during the party. Mainly since a bachelor party usually entails booze and loads of fun, you need to have sufficient energy to keep up and stay awake until the sun rises. Your presence is not enough; you must also need to participate in different activities prepared by the host, usually the best man at the wedding. To become well-rested, you need to have a sound sleep before the bachelor party or drink energy drinks to boost your mood.
It’s both better and worse than you think.
The bachelor party is a time-honoured male tradition right up there with knowing you can beat your dad in a fight, “exploring one’s own body” for the first time, and taking your first girlfriend for granted. That is, it’s a seminal moment in a man’s life in which everything that follows will be completely and irrevocably different.
Perhaps because of the perceived dread at “having one vagina for the rest of your life,” women sometimes imagine the absolute worst of a stag party. And it’s not typically justified.
Despite the “anything goes when it comes to bros” nature of a film such as A Hangover, there are some general, unspoken rules to an American bachelor party.
Last but not least, stay awesome. You will never go wrong by becoming true to yourself, enjoying the moment, and having fun. Forget all your worries, dance to the rhythm, and lose all your inhibitions.
By making the most out of the party, the groom will surely feel good and remember that his bachelor party is one of the greatest moments in his lifetime. Just remember these important bachelor party rules, and everything will be a blast.
Do guys cheat on bachelor parties? – The Truth About Bachelor Parties
The Hangover movies make stag night seem like a harmless (if insane) male ritual. But the reality is a woman’s worst nightmare. One-third of all grooms-to-be cheat at their bachelor parties, according to a recent British survey and two independent sex experts we interviewed. Now think of three married couples you know and guess which husband.
“I don’t think a third is an outrageous number by any means,” says Ontario, Canada-based clinical sexologist Dr. Carlen Costa. “We’ve all got a lot of secrets, and that’s why I stay in business.”
Las Vegas limo driver Jenny G. came up with a similar estimate based not only on hearing her passengers brag, but also on the commissions she earns whenever they ask her to order an “escort” to their room. And because she also occasionally sees it.
“I have my partition deactivated,” Jenny says. “It’s always funny. They’ll put the girl in the middle of the seat in the back, and they’ll try to straddle her doggy-style. But every time the car moves or turns a corner, one of them ends up falling over and banging their heads on the window because there’s no footing, and there’s not enough room to lay down.
“It’s a very awkward thing, and it usually never lasts long,” she adds. “Because they get tired of having to reposition every time the car moves.”
Incidentally, Jenny says bachelors are pussycats compared to their best men, who she says have sex 90 percent of the time. (However, they may not be cheating on anyone.)
The British survey, conducted by coupon company VoucherCloud, also found that 92 percent of bachelor party attendees lie about their cheating for the duration of their marriages. I did my informal poll on Facebook, and the results just confirm this. Of 16 male Facebook friends who replied publicly, zero admitted to cheating—including one guy who’s cheating I witnessed!
Just as in The Hangover, it’s not the groom who is likely to cheat, says David Boyer, author of Bachelor Party Confidential. Instead, it’s his friends — perhaps having their first raunchy guys’ night out in eons — who might seriously misbehave.
For some reason, bachelor parties immediately came to mind, and it seemed there was a similar parallel. For many guys (and this can go for ladies too), they desire to have one last night of other women before being chained down to one woman for the rest of their lives. Some men wish to have a stripper come to the party. Others prefer multiple women by going to a strip club complete with lap dances.
Then again, it’s never really that simple, is it? To help guide your moral compass, we’ve created a continuum of bachelor wrongness: “0” means you’re spotless as a lamb; “10” means you’re a cheating, lying douchebag who has no business getting married in the first place.
What’s your score?
Basic Male Bonding Activities
Cheating Score: 0.000
Harmless stuff like playing poker, puffing cigars, and knocking back some bottles of well-aged Scotch. If this activity threatens your fiancée, consider calling off the wedding. Seriously. At a bare minimum, every guy deserves some quality time with his best friends.
Flirting with Random Girls at the Club
Cheating Score: 1.5
When your buddies drag you out to a bar, they’re bound to tell the waitresses and random girls that it’s your last night of freedom, your swansong, your final gasp of fresh air.
To clarify: this is bullshit. Even if we accept that being in a committed relationship is losing your freedom (which we don’t), your “last gasp of freedom” was months or even years ago—you’re in a monogamous relationship; you’re already committed. So you can’t use this as an excuse to stray.
That said, on your bachelor party night, harmless flirting should remain beyond reproach (as long as it remains harmless).
Going to a Strip Club Just to Watch
Cheating Score: 3.5
Yes, theoretically, it’s possible to go to the strip club and just watch. This makes about as much sense as going to Home Depot to stare at the pipes and lumber.
Or, more precisely, it’s like getting a table at a restaurant and just watching other people eat their food. The dancers and other staff in a strip club are trying to make money, so you coming in and taking up space is cutting into their bottom line.
Also, it’s insulting to the girls if you refuse their goods and services. They work hard for your benefit—only a real jerk would ignore them.
Tipping a Stripper While She’s Onstage
Cheating Score: 4.2
You know the move. It’s when the stripper grinds out her pole dance—in public, onstage—then you put some money in front of you, and then she’ll shower you with a little extra attention. It’s not a lap dance, per se, but it is a more personalized form of notice. Your fiancée may not be thrilled, but most will be okay with this.
The Lap Dance
Cheating Score: 4.5 through 6.5
The great debate. Is getting a lap dance cheating?
Let’s look at it from your fiancée’s perspective. A hot, slim, naked, woman is grinding her crotch against you, making you pant with lust, and rubbing her breasts all over your body. And you wonder why your fiancée’s jealous? If this were some random girl at a bar, she’d have every right to dump you right then and there.
The counter-argument: this is not some random girl in a bar. It’s a controlled act in a controlled environment—and the stripper doesn’t want to screw you, she just wants to screw you out of another $100.
Two variables come into play:
- Your fiancée’s thoughts on the matter.
- Your intentions and attitudes toward lap dances.
Let’s say that your fiancée explicitly forbade you from getting lapdances, but your friends have no such constraints. This sucks. You may get mocked by your buddies. And frankly, this may indicate that you and your fiancée need to get on the same page about a whole host of behavioural issues. That said, the rules are the rules. At the risk of getting all cheesy, your fiancée is more important to you than a 3-minute dance that costs over 20 bucks.
The second variable: your intentions.
If you view the lap dance as something fun and harmless that’s just part of bachelor party behaviour—like gambling in Vegas or snorkelling in Hawaii—then she has nothing to worry about.
If, however, you long for those non-fiancée breasts, insist on more and more lap dances, and start getting hands, then yeah, your fiancée has a valid gripe.
Kissing the Stripper
Cheating Score: 7
Everyone is different, but this is where we draw the line. Call us old-fashioned, call us prudes, call us in the tank for the bride—but a kiss is a kiss. And kissing is cheating. Because the stripper was only doing it for money, however, this sin isn’t as bad.
Kissing a Random Girl at the Bar
Cheating Score: 7.5
We’ll give it to you straight. The guy who makes out with a random girl when he’s celebrating his upcoming marriage is the guy who will later have an affair, the guy who makes that “50% divorce” statistic a reality. Just sayin’.
Handjob from a Stripper
Cheating Score: 8.1
Dude. You got a handjob. From someone besides your future wife. “But it was at a bachelor party!!!!!” doesn’t excuse it, doesn’t condone it. You’ve cheated. Now, what do you do?
Blowjob from a Stripper
Cheating Score: 8.5
Bill Clinton’s infamous rationalizations aside, a blowjob counts as sex. If a blowjob is powerful enough to get a president impeached, it’s powerful enough to end your marriage.
Sex with a Stripper
Cheating Score: 9.3
Congratulations. You have just bought yourself a lifetime of shame. You will bury this, regret this, and be ashamed of this for the next 70 years. Or until your divorce. Wonder who will come first? At least you didn’t have.
If someone believes they are losing their life and freedom by getting married, then can they know what marriage is? Perhaps they are not ready or mature enough to enter into this severe sacrament of holy matrimony. Or, maybe they need to read and learn what marriage is about and then prepare themselves more for that sacrament. It’s essential to understand the sacrifice that’s required for wedding, but also to know how that sacrifice frees you and fulfills you when you choose it freely. You are not having your freedom taken away in marriage per se, but rather, you are surrendering certain things for the sake of your beloved. The sacrifices are made out of love, and this kind of love yields a fantastic power, beauty, and contentment.
Marriage is only a drag when we’re dominated by self-centeredness. As a married man, I am more than happy to commit to my wife, my best friend, my soulmate, and to sacrifice certain things for my bride. While marriage takes work, no doubt, there is no real happiness or fulfillment without it. Love and marriage are about giving, not receiving. But, if both lovers give all they have to each other, then both simultaneously receive. Marriage is a reciprocal gift of self, a beautiful life-long gift of love that makes you holy!